Derez Debuts “Her Life”

Derez has put forth a new leak off his yet-to-be-released album, Derezolution. “Her Life” is not the expected rap song from Derez, rather it’s more of a spoken word piece. The track speaks on the subject of abortion, spelling out a lot of the emotional, physical, and spiritual that many go through when weighing the decision. I’m not completely sure if this is art imitating life but it’s a solid, real piece regardless. You can dl the song from SoundCloud.

Hey sweetie.. if you don’t know who this is.. Its daddy.. I’m your father. You probably don’t remember me cus you’ve never seen me but you’re my daughter. And that’s what I wanna talk to you about. I’ve been keeping all of this in and barely found a way to let it out. Its best I say something now than to say nothing but God, please give me this moment to pray for her. However the pain, however the fall.. I feel like you deserve to know why we’re not here for you and why you’re not here… at all. Throughout the courses in me and your mothers relationship been very rocky and hit a few steep points but in the end it taught me. But I don’t blame her, I mean.. I can see why I make her sick but we made it work and within the obstacles in our relationship.. but you were our biggest one. Baby girl, this isn’t fun. A path I couldn’t take now I’m wishin’ that I didn’t run. Soon as your mother walked in the bedroom with the pregnancy test. With no mistake, dead on arrival, I’ll never forget. Tears running from her face, two blue lines on the stick.. I couldn’t believe it. That feeling in my stomach that hit yhroughout my whole entire body told me that it got real. Prayin’ it was not real, sayin’ that got chills. I felt like I stole a big part of your mothers life… and your whole entire life.. but I love her right. Because of me not being a man, Because of me being unstable. Because of how irresponsible I am. Because of me and mommy was left no choice but to not let you go through what we were going through. I know if I was gonna have you, I wanted you to have everything you could have ever wanted. And I was gon’ cherish every moment..We were backed into a corner where nothing was given and everything had to be done in order to continue. Left every issue.. We spent months and months trying to get money, tests done, clinics, taxi cab, hospital visits, motel rented. To the point I didn’t know what you mother saw in me. Everything but I believe I owe you an apology. An apology for letting the doctor hurt you. I felt like I can’t apologize for hurting you myself. There is no kind of apology that can amount to how ungrateful and unwilling I am to have let you go. Your mother was so heartbroken. Here’s where it unfolds.. I see you everytime I think, I see you everytime I sleep, I see you everytime my heart tells me to every night I weep. I don’t know what you look like, feelings all torn.. but I knew you were gonna be my favorite person before you were even born.. And that couldn’t happen. Princess, daddy can’t ever live because you can’t. Now I hear you askin’ me if its true, can’t.. I took something precious and valuable away from me, your mommy and yourself. I see your smile whenever I lie in bed with the thought of what could have been. Your little hand holding on to my thumb. Your cries that speak with such life and heart got me numb. Isn’t it crazy how God can easily take a blessing from you? But that was my bad, yeah sweetie I’m ‘dad’. I deserve to burn because of what was done. I don’t want God to forgive me. I need to live this lost feeling. I look at my niece everytime and wonder if you would’ve been as beautiful as her. You would’ve been beautiful and it hurts. I’m sorry I couldn’t hold you down, sorry you were taken out. Sorry I could never put a pacifier in your mouth. Sorry you’ll never have a room in the house. Sorry I can’t give you your bottle when you cryin’ loud. Every last piece of my life, I wish I would’ve shared with you, cared with you, now you have God, he there for you. I lie awake, the pillow I hug and cry… Sorry, this had to be the sound of your lullabay.. I’m sorry.

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